Of Mice and . . . CATS

ONCE UPON A TIME . . .

In a land far, far way -- er, shortly after the WHEEL was invented -- I
began experiencing squirrely activity with my PS2 mouse. Allow me to
introduce it to you:

WINBEST 4D+
Model WWW-11
3-button
2-wheel
Picture he http://www.a4tech.com/en/images/down...W-11-small.jpg

My 4D+'s (manufactured by A4 TECH) won't win any beauty contest; indeed,
I've had far lovelier mice in the past -- most notably a faux burl-wood
Logitech 3 button (still partially viewable at the La Brea Tar Pits).
But I digress. So there I was in 2001, walking down the Keyboard/Mouse
aisle at Fry's, looking for ~ oh yes, let me pause he

I can report that Tide performs admirably for cleaning your keyboard
keys. Now, in the interest of full disclosure I did add some bleach.
Just make sure you're on Full Cycle and using very hot water (this, in
addition to the obvious accessory, a lingerie bag). You will have
stunningly-clean keys. What you won't be able to do is PUT THE SPACEBAR
ON AGAIN if it's a Microsoft Natural Keyboard.

So there I was in 2001 -- walking down the Keyboard/Mouse aisle at Fry's
looking for a replacement for the Microsoft Natural Keyboard whose
SPACEBAR apparently requires an advanced degree in Engineering + a tool
developed and owned exclusively by NASA should you take it off and ever
think to put it on again -- when I spied these two 4D+'s and my right
hand said: COMFY. WANT. BUY. SMOOTH WHEEL. BUY. even as my eyes
said: NO! KEEP MOVING! UP THERE -- THE SHINY LOGITE~. (well, you get
the picture)

My hand did not just like this mouse, I can state categorically that it
MADE LOVE to this mouse, it felt so comfortable. I was only able to
separate them from their throes of ecstasy and return to my other
shopping by placing a _second_ 4D+ unit in my shopping cart tsk (there
was bitter complaining on the way home) (it was all I could do to keep
my hand on the wheel). But I digress.

The years progressed and I became increasingly aware that the design of
MICE, if allowed to continue its present design trend, would shortly
cross my combined sense aesthetic practicality and squarely arrive in
the Land of the Vulgar. I am a writer, if you haven't already guessed;
and I am waiting for the day one's mouse has evolved to the point of now
not only doing one's typing for them, but composing, as well. There are
enough buttons and gewgaws on today's mice I get a headache just
contemplating placing my hand on one for fear I'll activate my home
security alarm or start my blender.

It proved to be providential that I purchased two of these same ($20)
models, because I cannot for the life of me find one model among the
current litter that I could tolerate.

I look at some of these mice and am curiously reminded of . . . the
U.S.S. Enterprise.
But I digress.

Two years ago I adopted a cat; she had kittens; and (after giving away
some) I am now a 3-cat household -- this, after never having had even
one pet after some tropical fish I purchased kept coming down with ich.
or ick. or (well, you get the picture).

Now, coincidental to the expansion of my family by 3 felines, I began
noticing that my beloved 4D+ mouse was acting squirrely. In the
interest of expediency, I retired the faulty unit and placed 4D+ No. 2
into action; but . . . well this is strange. 4D+ No. 2 began acting
squirrely also -- indeed, worse even that No. 1.

Yesterday I finally had my fill of it, and went online in search of a
new mouse. There was not a one I found to my taste, whereupon I
remembered that Target sold mice -- and probably the older style mice
that I am apparently out-of-style in preferring. I purchased a $13 GE
Dual Scroll USB Optical mouse; brought it home; and knew immediately I
wouldn't be able to tolerate it. GE (that friendly maker of washing
machines and bombs) apparently thinks the surface of the human finger
insufficient to push a mouse wheel, and endowed this unit's wheels with
TREADS. My tender flesh no more likes the rough pavement of this wheel
than my bare feet enjoy walking on cut glass.

There comes a time in the life of a computer owner when they shut their
computer down and examine, for the first time, the underbelly of their
mouse. Over the years I've encountered innumerable admonishments to
clean my mouse but never took it seriously because, well, the ball
looked okay to me.

But this was war.
I wanted my mouse back.
I wanted BOTH of my mice back, now that I saw the design trends in mice
in just four years had abandoned my simpleton preference for something
practical for something fussy.

I turned the bottom circle thingy to get at the ball of my mouse. The
ball looked as good as it had ever looked but -- I noticed something
that looked like fuzz on one of the parts, and grabbing a tweezer,
picked at it.

What I found was two years' worth of baby-fine CAT HAIR clinging to the
little gears of my mouse -- held together by the gunk of years of
traversing my mouse pad!

The righteous indignation I felt cannot be put into words!
The violation of my person! er, my right hand! I mean.
The terror of subjecting me to a world of mice designers formerly
employed by NASCAR!
The INFAMY of depriving me of quite simply the most comfortable mouse I
have ever owned!

So friends, the moral of this story is a simple one. Listening class?

Don't go out and buy a new mouse
Don't panic when the models look like something your son might wish for
in a Star Trek model kit
Don't reach for that Q-Tip
Get out your Rubbing Alcohol
Get out your tweezers
Get out that tiny Philips screwdriver that fits in your mouse's screw.
Get a piece of NON-LINTY material (hard wove, like that of a sheet)
and
CLEAN YOUR MOUSE!

Yes. THAT is why everyone has been telling you to do this for years;
and now you know why, especially if you have CATS, you need to get about
the business of just doing it!

As for me, I'm thrilled! Although I'm wondering if maybe the casing
couldn't do with a good wash. (Tide?)

Angel