These freshy jokes rock!

Some time off

Why it is good to be a man?

1.
Your ass is never a factor in a job
interview.
2.
Your orgasms are
real.
Always.
3.
Your last name stays
put.
4. The
garage is all
yours.
5.
Wedding plans take care of
themselves.
6.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting
laid.
7.
Car mechanics tell you the
truth.
8.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new
haircut.
9.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic
area.
10.
Same
work...
more
pay.
11.
Wrinkles-add
character.
12.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch
adjustments.
13.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental
$100.
14.
If you retain water, it's in a
canteen.

15. People
never glance at your chest when you're talking to
them.

16. New
shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet.

17.
One mood, ALL the damn
time.

18.
Phone conversations are over in 30
seconds.

19.
A five-day vacation requires only 1
suitcase.

20.
You can open all your own
jars.

26.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
thinking "He must be mad at
me.".

27.
No
maxi-pads.

28.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
might become lifelong
friends.

29.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five
colors.

30.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.

31.
You are unable to see wrinkles in
clothes.

32.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe
decades.
33.
Your belly usually hides your big
hips.



Some funny Questions and
Answers.

1.Q: What
do you call a man with half a brain?
A:
Gifted.

2.Q: What
is the thinnest book in the world?
A: "What Men Know About
Women."


3.Q:
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One
...
men will screw
anything.


4.Q:
How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for
dinner.


5.Q:
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know .... it's never happened.

6.Q: What
is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can
vacuum.


7.Q:
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A:
E.T.
phoned
home.


8.Q: What
did God say after creating man?
A: I can do
better.


9.Q:
What are the two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: 1. No
mind.
2. No
business.


10.Q:
How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: Because you don't know when it's coming, how many inches you'll
get, and how long it'll
stay.

11.Q:
Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring,
and good looking?
A: Because those men already have
boyfriends.


12.Q: How do
men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and Filthy but
wearable.".

13.Q:
Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've go nothing to put in
it.".
A: Wife: "You wear briefs, don't
you?".


Some major funny
ifs.

1.If it's
tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
2.How
do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
3.Why do
they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
4.Why is
abbreviation such a long word?
5.Is
it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
6.Experience
is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.".
7.Why
do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
drive?
8.Why isn't
phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
9.Have you
ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
10.If a 7-11
is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the
doors?
11.If
nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the
pan?
12.If
you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you
turn on the headlights?
13.Why
do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
14.Why is it
that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but
when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
15.You
know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
16.Why
did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


About
Wifes.

1.I take
my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way
back.

2.My wife and
I have the secret to making a marriage
last. Two
times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good
food...
She goes Tuesdays, I go
Fridays.
3.Someone
stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting
it. The
thief spends less than my wife
did.
4.She has an
electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread
maker.
Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So what did I do? Bought her an electric
chair.

5.My wife drives the wrong
way on a one way
street.
The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife
said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming
back!".

6.She
got a mudpack and looked great for two
days.
Then the mud fell
off.
7.She
ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump
in!".


Blonde one
liners...

I knew a blonde that was so stupid
that...........
1.
she called me to get my phone
number.
2.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate.".
3.
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her
mind.
4.she
tried to put M&M's in alphabetical
order.
5.she
sent me a fax with a stamp on
it.
6.she
tried to drown a
fish.
7.she
thought a quarterback was a
refund.
8.she
got locked in a grocery store and starved to
death.
9.she
tripped over a cordless
phone.
10.she
took a ruler to bed to see how long she
slept.
11.she
asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.


It is so true)?




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